Spirituality and Healing class of 2010 began yesterday and so far I have gained so much insight into problems I have been dealing with for over a year.
Growing up, I attended a Christian Science church. I looked forward to going to Sunday school every week mostly to be with friends but looking back now I can recall the feelings that I got from going to church and they were good.
I appreciate what Christian Science taught me. The teaching that stands out most in my memory is that God is Love. I was never told that God was a punishing God or that I was going to any sort of hell because sin, disease, and death were considered unreal in Truth. Truth being a synonym for God. Christian Science teaches that we are the reflection of God. Then we have to ask ourselves; What is God? In the bible it teaches alot about God, some of it good some of it bad. It can be quite confusing when you read a story that portrays God to be this almighty punisher, teaching you a lesson on how to be good and go to heaven, when in another place it teaches quite the opposiet. I have chosen to believe that God is good and that God is All in ALL. If God is good and God is everything then all of this reality business is unreal and has no place in Spirit, God. If the truth of my being is that I am the image and likeness of God and God is Love, then I must also at my very core be Love.
In the bible, Jesus teaches in John 14:16 "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me;" Whether or not I believe that all the stories in the bible are based in truth is unimportant to me. We can learn from anything and everything if we are open to it. For me, Jesus was this perfect example of Love, of God. He as well as you and I are the image and likeness, the expressions of God. Jesus healed the sick because he knew that with his whole heart. He knew the truth about everyone. Jesus beheld the perfect man, and this is what healed. He did not see the person as having a disease, or lacking anything. So now we have to use applied Metaphysics to help us to do the same for ourselves and our world, but we first have to know the truth. The truth is, is that God is spiritual, therefore we are spiritual too. God cannot have a disease, so truly we cannot either. But say we are not feeling well and we are experiencing these symptoms, its very hard to ignore them, but we should do our best to know the truth which is we are truly not physical beings, we are spiritual beings and we do not have bodies to be sick. Changing our thoughts about something heals us; healing our thoughts first brings about a healing change in our lives.
This works for everything.
Jesus was not just saying that you must believe in him to have access to heaven. He was teaching that we have within us the same power that God bestowed upon him. But realizing who we are is the "Way" and knowing that "Truth" gives us real "Life".
This is what I am working with right now. And also I am learning how to listen when God is speaking.
In Christian Science there are synonyms for God and they are all represented by an upper case letter. Mind, Soul, Spirit, Life, Truth, Love and Principle. God is all of these. There are many attributes as well such as under Mind there is all the things that Mind represents, its intelligent, quick, stable, aware, conscious. Love is kind, compassionate, thoughtful, not quick to anger. Spirit is free, flowing, energy. So you use these thoughts to heal whatever is wrong. Scientists are discovering now that what we are thinking affects us more than we realize. What kinds of thoughts are we having that we are not even aware of? I tell myself crap all the time. My oatmeal story is a great example. And as a matter of fact, ever since I became more aware of the foods that I am putting into my body and my thoughts about them, I have felt more nourished and pleased by what I am eating. I am also feeling satisfied with less. Just something I have noticed.
Applied Metaphysics is really helping me to create a life that I love. I am gratefull for what I have learned and what I continue to learn. My heart is open.
Sunday school is dismissed ;)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Change Is Gonna Come
So many things are changing in my life. In Feng Shui if things are moving to quickly in a certain area of your life you can hang a crystal to slow things down in a particular part of your home. I feel like I should hang a crystal somewhere inside my life, everything seems to be moving so fast that I'm not sure what part of my home needs the crystal.
If you know me, its no surprise to you then that the day before the last day to register for classes, I decided to go back to school. I found Christopher a day care that I liked (one I had checked into months before when I thought I was ready to go back to work) and I went to school and signed up for Math and English. Two days later I was sitting at a desk among twenty or so other students re-learning how to simplify and solve. I am so excited to be back in the classroom. Six years ago when I attended school I was able to get some twenty-five credit hours out of the way, but I ended up dropping out because the Math and English were overwhelming me and I didn't want to continue trying for nothing. I say nothing because I had no idea what I wanted to be then. All I could see were the classes in front of me. I had no real major in mind, no end result I was working towards so I didn't see a reason to keep going to school. Hinde sight is 20/20 right? I should have stayed in school. I would be closer to what my goal is today. Though I should not allow myself to get stuck in that viscious thought pattern should have, could have, would have but didn't, its still a little painful. However I am ready to take on school. I am energized by the work that I have to do. I can actually say that I am enjoying the math class that I am taking. This is coming from the girl who in 5th grade wrote a poem that was published in a children's poety book about Math and her serious dislike for it. Here is that poem :
Math oh math
Take a bath
And wash all you problems away
I'm glad to say that's the way
I had a good day
Math oh math
Run away
Today is going to be a good day
Without any addition without any decimals
Please oh please go away!
Adorable right? I am very proud of myself for that fine piece of poetry at the age of 10. I despised math then and even through middle school and some of high school. It wasn't until towards the end of high school that I began to actually understand how to do it which is what helped me gain confidence and allow me to enjoy my success. Now I am just having fun solving the problems. Probably because in math you can actually find a solution. There is an order to it. Follow the order of operations and providing that you added and multiplied correctly, you will get the right answer. I wish life was like this. I have tons of problems that need solving, but no order of operations to follow and there are normally multiple answers to each question that lead you down multiple different roads. Its all too much sometimes. How do you know if you are making the right decision?
I rely so much on how I feel about something when I am making a decision. Call it intuition, call it instinct, call it crazy, whatever...its simply how I have made many decisions in my life. So far I'm still alive and my family is healthy so I must have done something right. But I'm not exactly the happiest with my life. I always want more. Take for example my spontaneous decison to go back to school. I had a feeling..I went with it while I was having that feeling and now I am happy I made that decision. That all happened at the exact right time though because had it been a day later it would have been impossible and I would have had to wait until the semester was over to sign up. Most likely I would have dumped the idea and moved onto something else. I fly by the seat of my pants on most things. But I take it as a sign that I was in the right place in my life for that to come together so easily. So it wouldn't have happened any other way than the way it did. So does that mean I shouldn't worry about the outcomes in life? Or does that mean that I need to go for things when that crazy feeling takes over me. That is yet another decision that I have to make a choice on. I don't like making decisions very much.
I am also still working on my music. It helps me deal with the indecisiveness I struggle with in my life. I would like to record myself and put something up on YouTube to get some feedback. I am gaining confidence in my music and I am more open to that, but I will admit it is difficult to share yourself without reserve and open yourself up for criticism. I sing and write and play becuase it makes me feel good and I want to share that with others to do the same for them but if I hear something negative about it I am afraid I will shut down. It's just another step in my growing process. That is my dream, to share who I am without apoligizing for being human, for being myself. It will come.
A few weeks ago a friend of my and I drove to Miami for a night during Florida's cold snap to see my favorite author Elizabeth Gilbert do a reading and Q&A on her newest book Committed. I bought the book when it came out less than a week before we went to see her. It is great. It's all about her struggle to decide whether or not to get married again after her first marriage basically bombed. She shared her fears and her concerns about entering into a marriage the same way she entered the first, so she took charge and did research and asked lots of questions to other people and to herself to find the answers she was searching for. She admits that she didn't give much thought the first time around to committing her life to someone. How often does this happen? We can look at divorce rates and see that in many of those cases it was probably because people didn't think through very well exactly what they were getting in to or what they wanted out of the partnership. But there are various other reasons for both entering and leaving a marriage. And the decision to get married at all, no matter what number it is for anyone should not be taken lightly. Its a great book that gets you to ask yourself some hard questions. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever thought about getting married or who is married, ever will be, and almost especially if you have decided never to get married.
I am not sure what else there is to update. Of course there is more than this going on in my life but at this point I don't feel comfortable sharing it with the world quite yet. As with everything, just give it time.
Peace^_^
If you know me, its no surprise to you then that the day before the last day to register for classes, I decided to go back to school. I found Christopher a day care that I liked (one I had checked into months before when I thought I was ready to go back to work) and I went to school and signed up for Math and English. Two days later I was sitting at a desk among twenty or so other students re-learning how to simplify and solve. I am so excited to be back in the classroom. Six years ago when I attended school I was able to get some twenty-five credit hours out of the way, but I ended up dropping out because the Math and English were overwhelming me and I didn't want to continue trying for nothing. I say nothing because I had no idea what I wanted to be then. All I could see were the classes in front of me. I had no real major in mind, no end result I was working towards so I didn't see a reason to keep going to school. Hinde sight is 20/20 right? I should have stayed in school. I would be closer to what my goal is today. Though I should not allow myself to get stuck in that viscious thought pattern should have, could have, would have but didn't, its still a little painful. However I am ready to take on school. I am energized by the work that I have to do. I can actually say that I am enjoying the math class that I am taking. This is coming from the girl who in 5th grade wrote a poem that was published in a children's poety book about Math and her serious dislike for it. Here is that poem :
Math oh math
Take a bath
And wash all you problems away
I'm glad to say that's the way
I had a good day
Math oh math
Run away
Today is going to be a good day
Without any addition without any decimals
Please oh please go away!
Adorable right? I am very proud of myself for that fine piece of poetry at the age of 10. I despised math then and even through middle school and some of high school. It wasn't until towards the end of high school that I began to actually understand how to do it which is what helped me gain confidence and allow me to enjoy my success. Now I am just having fun solving the problems. Probably because in math you can actually find a solution. There is an order to it. Follow the order of operations and providing that you added and multiplied correctly, you will get the right answer. I wish life was like this. I have tons of problems that need solving, but no order of operations to follow and there are normally multiple answers to each question that lead you down multiple different roads. Its all too much sometimes. How do you know if you are making the right decision?
I rely so much on how I feel about something when I am making a decision. Call it intuition, call it instinct, call it crazy, whatever...its simply how I have made many decisions in my life. So far I'm still alive and my family is healthy so I must have done something right. But I'm not exactly the happiest with my life. I always want more. Take for example my spontaneous decison to go back to school. I had a feeling..I went with it while I was having that feeling and now I am happy I made that decision. That all happened at the exact right time though because had it been a day later it would have been impossible and I would have had to wait until the semester was over to sign up. Most likely I would have dumped the idea and moved onto something else. I fly by the seat of my pants on most things. But I take it as a sign that I was in the right place in my life for that to come together so easily. So it wouldn't have happened any other way than the way it did. So does that mean I shouldn't worry about the outcomes in life? Or does that mean that I need to go for things when that crazy feeling takes over me. That is yet another decision that I have to make a choice on. I don't like making decisions very much.
I am also still working on my music. It helps me deal with the indecisiveness I struggle with in my life. I would like to record myself and put something up on YouTube to get some feedback. I am gaining confidence in my music and I am more open to that, but I will admit it is difficult to share yourself without reserve and open yourself up for criticism. I sing and write and play becuase it makes me feel good and I want to share that with others to do the same for them but if I hear something negative about it I am afraid I will shut down. It's just another step in my growing process. That is my dream, to share who I am without apoligizing for being human, for being myself. It will come.
A few weeks ago a friend of my and I drove to Miami for a night during Florida's cold snap to see my favorite author Elizabeth Gilbert do a reading and Q&A on her newest book Committed. I bought the book when it came out less than a week before we went to see her. It is great. It's all about her struggle to decide whether or not to get married again after her first marriage basically bombed. She shared her fears and her concerns about entering into a marriage the same way she entered the first, so she took charge and did research and asked lots of questions to other people and to herself to find the answers she was searching for. She admits that she didn't give much thought the first time around to committing her life to someone. How often does this happen? We can look at divorce rates and see that in many of those cases it was probably because people didn't think through very well exactly what they were getting in to or what they wanted out of the partnership. But there are various other reasons for both entering and leaving a marriage. And the decision to get married at all, no matter what number it is for anyone should not be taken lightly. Its a great book that gets you to ask yourself some hard questions. I highly recommend it to anyone who has ever thought about getting married or who is married, ever will be, and almost especially if you have decided never to get married.
I am not sure what else there is to update. Of course there is more than this going on in my life but at this point I don't feel comfortable sharing it with the world quite yet. As with everything, just give it time.
Peace^_^
Monday, December 21, 2009
Yes, Oatmeal, I do love you ^_^
This morning as I stared at my bowl of oatmeal and fresh blueberries, instead of judging them, I said a little prayer "Please let this taste yummy and be good for my body" and I swallowed it down. It was the first time In my whole life that I can ever remember enjoying oatmeal. I think I'm on to something here.
I secretly hate food. In my mind before I eat at thing negative thoughts usually are said. I basically talk shit about the food I am about to eat, telling it that it's not good enough for me, that it's not as healthy and as tasty as other foods and that I'm pretty much just using it for a quick fix.
Have you ever really stopped yourself and listened to what you say to yourself? Because that's exactly how I discovered that I talk so badly about and to food.
Let me share with you what this accomplishes.
A WHOLE LOT OF NEGATIVE!!!!!
No wonder I am putting on the pounds. I beat myself up for eating anything that isn't "healthy". And this next part I'll admit is a little weird but I'm just being honest, and I will do my best not to confuse.
If I prepare food, I feel that it's not good for any of us. Even if I whipped up a Vegetarian spinach wrap with a side of fruit, there is something in my brain that lies to muah and tells me its ultimately bad for me. Yes this is beginning to sound like a disorder.
But if I go to my friend Kety's house who hand prepares all her food, I feel like I am being nourished to my core, spiritually, nutritionally, mentally, emotionally. Even the wine is good for me! And I think I have figured out why this is the case.
My negative thoughts, or energy is spoiling the food.
So back to the beginning of my blog, I mentioned that I blessed my oatmeal, and it worked!!!
For a while now I have been researching different diets out there and trying to come up with some solution to help me lose 15lbs. There is so much out there like Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem just as an example that promise to help you lose the weight, and help you keep it of by a combination of mental, emotional, and physical help.
This is exactly what I need. (haha mental help)
I have been missing the connection between my diet, and my spirituality. The energy that is going into Kety's food is always positive. She is blessing the food she makes for all the people that will eat it. She is mixing with love so to speak. Cooking is not a huge favorite of mine, I am learning to love and appreciate it more and more as I get older. So at the very least I can say a few nice things to my food before I eat it instead of all this negative abuse I am slapping it with before it enters my mouth that until recently I didn't even realize I was doing.
And ladies and gentleman, that kind of mindless eating is called UNCONSCIOUSNESS!!!!
So my New Years Resolution is going to be to work on being a more conscious human.
Amen
I secretly hate food. In my mind before I eat at thing negative thoughts usually are said. I basically talk shit about the food I am about to eat, telling it that it's not good enough for me, that it's not as healthy and as tasty as other foods and that I'm pretty much just using it for a quick fix.
Have you ever really stopped yourself and listened to what you say to yourself? Because that's exactly how I discovered that I talk so badly about and to food.
Let me share with you what this accomplishes.
A WHOLE LOT OF NEGATIVE!!!!!
No wonder I am putting on the pounds. I beat myself up for eating anything that isn't "healthy". And this next part I'll admit is a little weird but I'm just being honest, and I will do my best not to confuse.
If I prepare food, I feel that it's not good for any of us. Even if I whipped up a Vegetarian spinach wrap with a side of fruit, there is something in my brain that lies to muah and tells me its ultimately bad for me. Yes this is beginning to sound like a disorder.
But if I go to my friend Kety's house who hand prepares all her food, I feel like I am being nourished to my core, spiritually, nutritionally, mentally, emotionally. Even the wine is good for me! And I think I have figured out why this is the case.
My negative thoughts, or energy is spoiling the food.
So back to the beginning of my blog, I mentioned that I blessed my oatmeal, and it worked!!!
For a while now I have been researching different diets out there and trying to come up with some solution to help me lose 15lbs. There is so much out there like Jenny Craig and Nutrisystem just as an example that promise to help you lose the weight, and help you keep it of by a combination of mental, emotional, and physical help.
This is exactly what I need. (haha mental help)
I have been missing the connection between my diet, and my spirituality. The energy that is going into Kety's food is always positive. She is blessing the food she makes for all the people that will eat it. She is mixing with love so to speak. Cooking is not a huge favorite of mine, I am learning to love and appreciate it more and more as I get older. So at the very least I can say a few nice things to my food before I eat it instead of all this negative abuse I am slapping it with before it enters my mouth that until recently I didn't even realize I was doing.
And ladies and gentleman, that kind of mindless eating is called UNCONSCIOUSNESS!!!!
So my New Years Resolution is going to be to work on being a more conscious human.
Amen
Monday, November 30, 2009
New Song
Here's To You
I gave you what I could
You took all the good
That I had to give
And promises were made
As we gave love away
So freely to live
*Thanks for taking a walk
All over my heart
Here's to you
And thanks for breaking in two
All that you do
That keeps me from loving You
It was no suprise
When I looked in your eyes
And saw no future
The lessons I learned
How badly I got burned
Will stay with me forever
* (Chorus)
The magic we made
The memories we saved
For such a rainy day
Turns out to be
Not good enough for me
And in the end
Here's to You
Here's to You
Chorus
I gave you what I could
You took all the good
That I had to give
And promises were made
As we gave love away
So freely to live
*Thanks for taking a walk
All over my heart
Here's to you
And thanks for breaking in two
All that you do
That keeps me from loving You
It was no suprise
When I looked in your eyes
And saw no future
The lessons I learned
How badly I got burned
Will stay with me forever
* (Chorus)
The magic we made
The memories we saved
For such a rainy day
Turns out to be
Not good enough for me
And in the end
Here's to You
Here's to You
Chorus
Monday, October 5, 2009
Layering
I have been pretty busy the last month with rehearsals so I haven't really had a chance to write...or more truthfully even thought about it. But I have so much to say, so much to talk about.
When I was offered the role of Shelby Latchery in the play Steel Magnolias at our local theatre I was beyond thrilled. My first show was last spring and I was just in the chorus. I did have a couple of stand-out-ish parts that were given to me as rehearsals went on. I couldn't believe even that. So to go from being in the chorus...or better yet what I like to call a "cold ho" to a lead role is incredible for me! I wrote recently about how when I was just a little girl I told everyone how I wanted to be an actress. A lot of kids say that. I could have easily just been one of the ones that say they want it but don't actually know what it takes to be one or end up years later having no interest. For me it was all part of coming out of my shell. The reason it has taken me twenty years to actually do anything with it is because I had so much to do and learn before I had the confidence to act. Some people think it might be easy because you are "Acting" the part of someone else but first before you even get to that point you have to get past yourself. You have to get over the self consciousness of acting like something or someone else and totally become that character. And this is where I talk about layering.
My mama in the play is an acting coach and she said to me that layering was one of her favorite parts about acting. I sort of understood but I hadn't experienced it until the other night.
If you have ever seen Steel Magnolias you know that Shelby has diabetes type 1 and suffers throughout the movie until she dies because of complications due to a kidney transplant that failed. So in the first scene of the play I go into diabetic shock. I have never experienced that before so I had to do a little research and talk with some people and watch the movie to see exactly what I had to do. Still I am acting so I am not sure if I am believable or not unless someone tells me so. Last Saturday night at the show we had a guest speaker during intermission. A mother and father and a little girl named Maddie. They had been in the audience and watched the show and then Scott our director brought her back to meet the cast. She was so sweet. She had little pigtails and a pink shirt. I introduced myself as Shelby and shook her hand. She was carrying a teddy bear that had patches in all the places that she can be administered an insulin shot. I told her that pink was my favorite color.She was really excited to meet us. So then her parents spoke about her condition on stage and basically made all of us teary eyed. It was almost impossible to finish the rest of the show because we were all thinking of her. They didn't stay for act 2 because it was past her bedtime and I die or course and it all gets a little emotional. After the show a couple of people in the cast told me that her parents said that my insulin shock was very believable. Maddie leaned over during it and asked her mom if I had diabetes too! When I was told this I broke into tears. It really brings things home. I was able to be an example for a serious disease that kills people all the time and makes life more difficult. I then began to really put myself in her shoes and think about her life and compare her to Shelby. I was even mad at Shelby a little for how defiant she can be to her mother and to her doctors ignoring medical advice and not taking care of herself. I don't want that little girl to do those sort of things. It has helped me to understand the character more. And if I can fully be this character, someone in the audience with learn something they never knew or understand something that they never have before or relate to the character. This is why I want to be an actress. I never thought I would say that as an adult. If I had a dollar every time I heard someone say that being an actress is a dream and something more realistic would be better, I could afford to make my own movie. And if I had half a dollar every time I believed it I would also be rich. Anytime I would mention it as an adult I would say " When I was a young girl I wanted to be an actress". Now as an adult I can own that feeling. I want to be an actress. How wonderful would it be to do movies and tv! I would have so much fun but have the opportunity to touch peoples lives! The ultimate dream! So this process of layering is now my favorite thing. And I can now look forward to that in my next role too. Its a process that takes time and experience. I was told I am a method actor. Method acting "is a technique in which actors try to engender in themselves the thoughts and emotions of their characters in an effort to create lifelike performances" -source Wikipedia. I believe this. I have always been this way. Its totally normal for me. Not that I am limited to it, but its just a first, natural response for me to act this way...it makes sense.
I am grateful to be apart of this production and proud to be a voice for type 1 Diabetes.
When I was offered the role of Shelby Latchery in the play Steel Magnolias at our local theatre I was beyond thrilled. My first show was last spring and I was just in the chorus. I did have a couple of stand-out-ish parts that were given to me as rehearsals went on. I couldn't believe even that. So to go from being in the chorus...or better yet what I like to call a "cold ho" to a lead role is incredible for me! I wrote recently about how when I was just a little girl I told everyone how I wanted to be an actress. A lot of kids say that. I could have easily just been one of the ones that say they want it but don't actually know what it takes to be one or end up years later having no interest. For me it was all part of coming out of my shell. The reason it has taken me twenty years to actually do anything with it is because I had so much to do and learn before I had the confidence to act. Some people think it might be easy because you are "Acting" the part of someone else but first before you even get to that point you have to get past yourself. You have to get over the self consciousness of acting like something or someone else and totally become that character. And this is where I talk about layering.
My mama in the play is an acting coach and she said to me that layering was one of her favorite parts about acting. I sort of understood but I hadn't experienced it until the other night.
If you have ever seen Steel Magnolias you know that Shelby has diabetes type 1 and suffers throughout the movie until she dies because of complications due to a kidney transplant that failed. So in the first scene of the play I go into diabetic shock. I have never experienced that before so I had to do a little research and talk with some people and watch the movie to see exactly what I had to do. Still I am acting so I am not sure if I am believable or not unless someone tells me so. Last Saturday night at the show we had a guest speaker during intermission. A mother and father and a little girl named Maddie. They had been in the audience and watched the show and then Scott our director brought her back to meet the cast. She was so sweet. She had little pigtails and a pink shirt. I introduced myself as Shelby and shook her hand. She was carrying a teddy bear that had patches in all the places that she can be administered an insulin shot. I told her that pink was my favorite color.She was really excited to meet us. So then her parents spoke about her condition on stage and basically made all of us teary eyed. It was almost impossible to finish the rest of the show because we were all thinking of her. They didn't stay for act 2 because it was past her bedtime and I die or course and it all gets a little emotional. After the show a couple of people in the cast told me that her parents said that my insulin shock was very believable. Maddie leaned over during it and asked her mom if I had diabetes too! When I was told this I broke into tears. It really brings things home. I was able to be an example for a serious disease that kills people all the time and makes life more difficult. I then began to really put myself in her shoes and think about her life and compare her to Shelby. I was even mad at Shelby a little for how defiant she can be to her mother and to her doctors ignoring medical advice and not taking care of herself. I don't want that little girl to do those sort of things. It has helped me to understand the character more. And if I can fully be this character, someone in the audience with learn something they never knew or understand something that they never have before or relate to the character. This is why I want to be an actress. I never thought I would say that as an adult. If I had a dollar every time I heard someone say that being an actress is a dream and something more realistic would be better, I could afford to make my own movie. And if I had half a dollar every time I believed it I would also be rich. Anytime I would mention it as an adult I would say " When I was a young girl I wanted to be an actress". Now as an adult I can own that feeling. I want to be an actress. How wonderful would it be to do movies and tv! I would have so much fun but have the opportunity to touch peoples lives! The ultimate dream! So this process of layering is now my favorite thing. And I can now look forward to that in my next role too. Its a process that takes time and experience. I was told I am a method actor. Method acting "is a technique in which actors try to engender in themselves the thoughts and emotions of their characters in an effort to create lifelike performances" -source Wikipedia. I believe this. I have always been this way. Its totally normal for me. Not that I am limited to it, but its just a first, natural response for me to act this way...it makes sense.
I am grateful to be apart of this production and proud to be a voice for type 1 Diabetes.
Monday, August 31, 2009
DUMB DA DA DUMB
This past weekend was a crazy one. We were invited to our good friends house to play poker and meet new people and eat great food. My husband and I brought some of our friends with us that are getting to know the host and hostess better.There were Georgians and Russians and Americans. Bikers and Cooks and Singers and Players...we had a very eclectic group of people there that night. I love all sorts of people. If you are good people, then we are good. Thats my only thing.
As the night progressed, we brought the guitar out and I began playing some of my songs.Everyone seemed to enjoy my song playing, so that was nice to feel. I am gaining confidence in my voice and my playing. I'm very proud of my lyrics and usually don't have any reservations sharing those, but all three together can be tough.
Throughout the night it had been mentioned that some others were musically enclined as well so I passed the guitar to a man named URI, he is my friend Kety's Russian friend. He began playing some old Russian songs. They were very good. Of course he could have been saying anything, but it sounded so great. Someone said that outloud which was of course funny because it was true. Foreigners are always attractive right? lol. Well Someone at the party with very little class decided to put a napkin in my lap! At first I didn't understand it, but by the time everyone was laughing I finally did catch on. But it all happened so fast that I didn't react the way I had wanted to. I am therefore mad at myself.
What got me thinking about this is that I was wondering how Uri felt about it. He must have been so embarrassed. Maybe not, but you know its my personal opinion that if someone is sharing a gift they have, it is so tasteless to throw some nasty obcene joke into the mix. It was rude and uncalled for and it took away from the musicians moment. It wasn't even close to true either, so we can;t use the whole fall back of "its true so its funny". But I am forgiving and I move on. Its just I sort of feel the need to apologize to Uri for that womans behavior. And I say woman because she had to be around 40 years old and you would think that by then she would have grown up a little bit.
I can remember being young and around adults and I would listen to their conversations and get some of what they were saying but alot of it went over my head. When I did begin understanding it (and most of the content was about sex) I would get this uncomfortable feeling and in my mind I would sort of tell myself that its too mature for me to get yet, and I would look forward to the day when it didn't make me feel that weird uncomfortable feeling anymore. I can now report that, that one situation was a learning experience for me. I understand now that I don't ever want to be comfortable with that sort of humor. Because to me its really not funny. Its about as funny as The Family Guy (whick I think is the epitome of whats wrong with our society, that we can laugh at such discusting things and roll on with life).
I can agree that some of the political jokes are a little funny, the ones that aren't too personal. But I'm sorry I can not, will not EVER laugh at sexual molestation, or womens degredation or all the other lines that they cross in that show.
Its not that I couldnt handle a joke in that way in which she delivered it. I am a woman now and I am comfortable with my body, but its surprises me that another woman would make a gesture like that, be totally inconsiderate about peoples feelings and steal that moment and turn into something gross. I wish I had all the words that I am feeling right now to express this.
I'm so mad at myself for not catching on quickly enough and then laughing her stupidity off. And I am very sorry for Uri. Obviously we were all adults there but something like that is just dumb to joke about in the way in which she did. Maybe she was feeling that way towards him and pushed it on to me. Its not that there wasn't something to be attracted in him, but to turn it into something so dirty and uncalled for.
Ok I'm done bitching about that...but until I wrote that down I don't think I could have gotten past it. I have learned from it and I am grateful for that much.
The rest of the night was mostly pretty fun. We had a very talented guy playing guitar and we were all singing and dancing.He played some songs we knew and some we didn't but it was all so soulful and inspirational. I love getting a big group of people together who are all so different to embrace the differences and have a good time. Just that one tiny little thing that bothered me. Thats all.
As the night progressed, we brought the guitar out and I began playing some of my songs.Everyone seemed to enjoy my song playing, so that was nice to feel. I am gaining confidence in my voice and my playing. I'm very proud of my lyrics and usually don't have any reservations sharing those, but all three together can be tough.
Throughout the night it had been mentioned that some others were musically enclined as well so I passed the guitar to a man named URI, he is my friend Kety's Russian friend. He began playing some old Russian songs. They were very good. Of course he could have been saying anything, but it sounded so great. Someone said that outloud which was of course funny because it was true. Foreigners are always attractive right? lol. Well Someone at the party with very little class decided to put a napkin in my lap! At first I didn't understand it, but by the time everyone was laughing I finally did catch on. But it all happened so fast that I didn't react the way I had wanted to. I am therefore mad at myself.
What got me thinking about this is that I was wondering how Uri felt about it. He must have been so embarrassed. Maybe not, but you know its my personal opinion that if someone is sharing a gift they have, it is so tasteless to throw some nasty obcene joke into the mix. It was rude and uncalled for and it took away from the musicians moment. It wasn't even close to true either, so we can;t use the whole fall back of "its true so its funny". But I am forgiving and I move on. Its just I sort of feel the need to apologize to Uri for that womans behavior. And I say woman because she had to be around 40 years old and you would think that by then she would have grown up a little bit.
I can remember being young and around adults and I would listen to their conversations and get some of what they were saying but alot of it went over my head. When I did begin understanding it (and most of the content was about sex) I would get this uncomfortable feeling and in my mind I would sort of tell myself that its too mature for me to get yet, and I would look forward to the day when it didn't make me feel that weird uncomfortable feeling anymore. I can now report that, that one situation was a learning experience for me. I understand now that I don't ever want to be comfortable with that sort of humor. Because to me its really not funny. Its about as funny as The Family Guy (whick I think is the epitome of whats wrong with our society, that we can laugh at such discusting things and roll on with life).
I can agree that some of the political jokes are a little funny, the ones that aren't too personal. But I'm sorry I can not, will not EVER laugh at sexual molestation, or womens degredation or all the other lines that they cross in that show.
Its not that I couldnt handle a joke in that way in which she delivered it. I am a woman now and I am comfortable with my body, but its surprises me that another woman would make a gesture like that, be totally inconsiderate about peoples feelings and steal that moment and turn into something gross. I wish I had all the words that I am feeling right now to express this.
I'm so mad at myself for not catching on quickly enough and then laughing her stupidity off. And I am very sorry for Uri. Obviously we were all adults there but something like that is just dumb to joke about in the way in which she did. Maybe she was feeling that way towards him and pushed it on to me. Its not that there wasn't something to be attracted in him, but to turn it into something so dirty and uncalled for.
Ok I'm done bitching about that...but until I wrote that down I don't think I could have gotten past it. I have learned from it and I am grateful for that much.
The rest of the night was mostly pretty fun. We had a very talented guy playing guitar and we were all singing and dancing.He played some songs we knew and some we didn't but it was all so soulful and inspirational. I love getting a big group of people together who are all so different to embrace the differences and have a good time. Just that one tiny little thing that bothered me. Thats all.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Beauty In Me, The Beauty In You
For a while now, Oh, i'll say in the past ...20 years of my life I have been thinking about beauty and wondering just where I fit in. When I was a child I compared myself to the people who surrounded me, my family, my sister, my friends. Of course I always noticed something beautiful in each of them and I wanted it for myself. Thats a little different though than having and feeling my own beauty. In a way I was a little thieve, taking whatever I thought was beautiful about them and acting it out inside myself, or if I wasn't able to do that I would get upset and then mentally talk down to myself in one way or another. That is soooooo sad, right? And I have to admit that I still do this. So many of us are guilty of this.
I have continued to seek out and learn the truth in beauty from the time I can remember. As I got a bit older, say middle school, I began reading teen magazines and watching teen shows and movies and there again my idea of beauty got distorted. I can't remember anyone ever talking to me directly about beauty and how to feel and appreciate my own.
Ok I take that back. I had a fairy godmother growing up, I'm being completely honest here. I met her when I was seven years old selling Easter candy for a school fundraiser. She was in her yard working and I was by myself. I went to her neighbors house first and as I am told this many years later, but in my own creative words, An evil man answered the door, and wanted to lure me in only to do harm to the little princess that was myself. The fairygodmother was watching and could sense that this was a very bad man, so she quickly interupted us and told me she was interested in buying some of my candy. So I went over to her and of course she was glowing with magic and beauty. We talked, and I told her about what I was doing for my school and she offered to help me around the neighborhood to sell candy. She helped me meet friends that I would have for the rest of my life, and began planting the seeds inside of me of great success to come. We became life long friends that day.
Over the course of twenty years she has been many things to me, my fairygodmother as mentioned above, a friend, a spiritual counselor, a neighbor, a boss, my guiding light. She has spent years teaching me about beauty actually, but from the inside out. Of course not until recently have I put two and two together (anyone can say they know that beauty comes from the within, but it takes something more to know that).
High school was not a great place for me to learn about true beauty,and I picked up many ideas there that are all garbage now.
And even now as an adult I have to sit back and question what I am believing, what is being given to me by the media. Between ads and movies and television, I have to admit that I am a victim of this distorted view on beauty and I have bought into every single thing suggestion.
Recently a friend of mine posted a link
Lizzie Miller is a model. And clearly here she does not have the "perfect" body. She is glowing in her own skin!!
My first impression when I see this picture is; This woman is utterly gorgeous. And just as I was beginning to do what I do every time I see another woman who I believe is insanely beautiful which is that a quick bit of dialog runs through my head that tells me a bunch of lies and it goes something like this "She is so pretty!! I am not pretty like that. I wish I were pretty like that. I hate her cause she's pretty like that!!" I am quickly stopped in my train of thought to see in her something I see in myself! Finally!!!!
Its pure jelousy because I cannot appreciate myself and love myself enough to see whats beautiful about and and inside of me! Let me just say that I appreciate what Lizzie Miller has done for so many woman. Her courage and self esteem is a brilliant example for us all to follow, at the same time, it saddens me that we have allowed it to come to this. I believe that the majority of women these days are feeling an array of things pertaining to their self image and feeling inadequate. And its our desire to look as beautiful as possible, or as impossible actually and also what society says is beautiful and sexy. We are all entitled to our own opinions about what is beautiful, true, but do we have to go to the extremes of feeling like we are ugly and unattractive just because we don't look like the airbrushed model on the magazine? So this really is a problem that stems from inside of us that is fostered in our lives growing up and not often addressed by the people who love us.
People are beginning to see this and speak out. This is becoming an entire movement. Lizzie is not the first to show her skin as it is. The Dove company launched a huge campaign a few years ago that showed off womens skin in all different sizes. We as woman are relating to that and we are watching and listening carefully to get our next new idea about ourselves. If that is what it takes..fine..its not a bad thing. But I have a different idea, or something to add to this media movement. How about if we take it upon ourselves to educate and teach girls how to love who they are!!!!??? Embrace the differences and love what we are given and to be grateful for our unuiqeness.
We can teach beauty in a way that does not put down or discourage young women. We can teach girls how to care for their bodies, and enjoy the way they look and feel. Give them a sense of empowerement and confidence and help them to recognize that special something inside of them that they have to offer to the world.
This is what I want for my girls. Building beauty from the inside out, because as we know, you could be considered the most beautiful person on this planet but unless you feel and own that inside of you, you become powerless and your beauty will just go to waste because often times if we are self conscious we are not giving of ourselves. We have to see in us first what we want other people to see.
These are things that I am still learning to believe about myself, but I have come a long way from that insecure little girl. I shall love her and teach her about who she really is.I am learning to appreciate my own natural beauty. But it really comes down to changing our ideas about what beauty is and then sharing that with the rest of the world. Only then will we see a change.
I have continued to seek out and learn the truth in beauty from the time I can remember. As I got a bit older, say middle school, I began reading teen magazines and watching teen shows and movies and there again my idea of beauty got distorted. I can't remember anyone ever talking to me directly about beauty and how to feel and appreciate my own.
Ok I take that back. I had a fairy godmother growing up, I'm being completely honest here. I met her when I was seven years old selling Easter candy for a school fundraiser. She was in her yard working and I was by myself. I went to her neighbors house first and as I am told this many years later, but in my own creative words, An evil man answered the door, and wanted to lure me in only to do harm to the little princess that was myself. The fairygodmother was watching and could sense that this was a very bad man, so she quickly interupted us and told me she was interested in buying some of my candy. So I went over to her and of course she was glowing with magic and beauty. We talked, and I told her about what I was doing for my school and she offered to help me around the neighborhood to sell candy. She helped me meet friends that I would have for the rest of my life, and began planting the seeds inside of me of great success to come. We became life long friends that day.
Over the course of twenty years she has been many things to me, my fairygodmother as mentioned above, a friend, a spiritual counselor, a neighbor, a boss, my guiding light. She has spent years teaching me about beauty actually, but from the inside out. Of course not until recently have I put two and two together (anyone can say they know that beauty comes from the within, but it takes something more to know that).
High school was not a great place for me to learn about true beauty,and I picked up many ideas there that are all garbage now.
And even now as an adult I have to sit back and question what I am believing, what is being given to me by the media. Between ads and movies and television, I have to admit that I am a victim of this distorted view on beauty and I have bought into every single thing suggestion.
Recently a friend of mine posted a link
Lizzie Miller is a model. And clearly here she does not have the "perfect" body. She is glowing in her own skin!!
My first impression when I see this picture is; This woman is utterly gorgeous. And just as I was beginning to do what I do every time I see another woman who I believe is insanely beautiful which is that a quick bit of dialog runs through my head that tells me a bunch of lies and it goes something like this "She is so pretty!! I am not pretty like that. I wish I were pretty like that. I hate her cause she's pretty like that!!" I am quickly stopped in my train of thought to see in her something I see in myself! Finally!!!!
Its pure jelousy because I cannot appreciate myself and love myself enough to see whats beautiful about and and inside of me! Let me just say that I appreciate what Lizzie Miller has done for so many woman. Her courage and self esteem is a brilliant example for us all to follow, at the same time, it saddens me that we have allowed it to come to this. I believe that the majority of women these days are feeling an array of things pertaining to their self image and feeling inadequate. And its our desire to look as beautiful as possible, or as impossible actually and also what society says is beautiful and sexy. We are all entitled to our own opinions about what is beautiful, true, but do we have to go to the extremes of feeling like we are ugly and unattractive just because we don't look like the airbrushed model on the magazine? So this really is a problem that stems from inside of us that is fostered in our lives growing up and not often addressed by the people who love us.
People are beginning to see this and speak out. This is becoming an entire movement. Lizzie is not the first to show her skin as it is. The Dove company launched a huge campaign a few years ago that showed off womens skin in all different sizes. We as woman are relating to that and we are watching and listening carefully to get our next new idea about ourselves. If that is what it takes..fine..its not a bad thing. But I have a different idea, or something to add to this media movement. How about if we take it upon ourselves to educate and teach girls how to love who they are!!!!??? Embrace the differences and love what we are given and to be grateful for our unuiqeness.
We can teach beauty in a way that does not put down or discourage young women. We can teach girls how to care for their bodies, and enjoy the way they look and feel. Give them a sense of empowerement and confidence and help them to recognize that special something inside of them that they have to offer to the world.
This is what I want for my girls. Building beauty from the inside out, because as we know, you could be considered the most beautiful person on this planet but unless you feel and own that inside of you, you become powerless and your beauty will just go to waste because often times if we are self conscious we are not giving of ourselves. We have to see in us first what we want other people to see.
These are things that I am still learning to believe about myself, but I have come a long way from that insecure little girl. I shall love her and teach her about who she really is.I am learning to appreciate my own natural beauty. But it really comes down to changing our ideas about what beauty is and then sharing that with the rest of the world. Only then will we see a change.
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